Convictions...

Have you ever been in that kind of mood where you just have no desire to do anything but be at home, in your pajamas, with a blanket and the couch? And on top of that, feeling like that around the same time you are headed to church? Yeah, well yesterday Marcus and I decided to go to the 6:15 service at The Journey just to have a chance to spend the day together and relax and still enjoy our time at church. So as we were piddling around and wasting time before church over in Yulee, I started getting really tired and just in that mood where I just wanted to be home, period, which resulted in me being kind of punchy with Marcus and just not in the right place mentally or emotionally to worship God. Fast-forward about 30 minutes and we are in church, the crowd is lighter than usual for us and Marcus, of course, sits us in a very uncomfortable area.Worship begins and we start singing, and I suddenly realize there is someone in the previous vacant chair beside and the only way that I can tell that is because I feel a texture somewhat like old-lady's permed hair on my arm. So, at this point, I'm thinking, "Great, now what? I'm already a little annoyed that we waited to come to the latest service, I am going to miss the Oscars and the Amazing Race, and not this old lady is encroaching in my personal space, and I KNOW that Marcus won't take the hint and scoot over; he'll interpret my moving closer as a sign that I am being affectionate, not what I'm going for!" So I am ranting in my head, still singing to God mind you, about how I am going to be the light that this world needs (because I am really showing it in my thoughts!), I mean really singing like I mean it. Then the transition to the next worship song occurs and its a song I LOVE and really know and I am excited, all the while still a little annoyed about this raiding of space I am feeling. Literally, at that moment, as I am reaching my vocal limits as well as space limits, it was like God reminded me of everything I needed to be reminded of; why I was there, what was going on, my own inability to really focus on Him. At that moment, it was like God opened my ears and I heard this little old lady singing the words to the David Crowder song that was being played and God reminded me, this isn't about you, your harmony, your comfort; Let me remind of what I am hearing, how MY name is being blessed. I guess because my best friend and my husband are passionate about worship and I have experienced God's hand work in them with their passion and have learned how to appreciate intimate worship, God often reminds me to stop everything; thinking, singing, watching, everything and take a moment to absorb a glimpse of Him. When I heard that woman, an elderly woman who didn't care about the volume, the sound, lights, nothing but singing praises to her Lord, I realized how wrong I was. Wrong for coming into God's sanctuary already with a chip on my shoulder over such stupid stuff, wrong for not embracing this woman into God's house, rather getting annoyed with every brush of her arm against my sleeve. I was so convicted, I started to get teary-eyed because God was showing me the reverence and sweetness of what WAS important in that moment. As I took that time to look around I noticed a mentally handicap young man raising his hands in worship to the God who he adored, and it was truly evident that God was in that room. Even though I've written a book already, I cannot describe to you the humility I felt for being so selfish and unworthy, but at the same time so blessed that God was taking this time to gently remind me of Him. To see the Holy Spirit evident and sweetly touching God's people in that time was more than enough to convict me and make me quickly change my tune. I stopped and just prayed that God would forgive me of my own selfishness and for Him to please open me up to Him the remainder of the time I had not wasted on myself. You can take what you will from this post and let God use it in His way for what's going on in your life, but I mainly wanted to say that God is so real, so holy, and so precious and don't let petty, silly things hinder your worship in song, text, tithe,prayer, or meditation to Him because at the end of the day, He's all that matters, above all other things, people, events, circumstances. God is God and thank God that He loves us so much that He gives us that pause to reconnect with what is really important!